My Conversion Story

My conversion began when I entered Florida State University as an undergrad in 1999. It wasn’t a conversion to the Catholic Faith, but rather a serious commitment to living out my faith instead of being a Christian in name only. The reason it took some nineteen years for such a conversion to take place was because my parents didn’t particularly raise me to be an active Christian, for they weren’t ones themselves. My parents had me and my brothers baptized as babies, but we didn’t attend church on a regular basis. At the age of twelve, my parents decided to move to Florida, and being around the proper age, my father wanted me and my older brother to be confirmed in the Episcopal Church. I remember joining in with a group of the other confirmed kids who were laughing at two girls who had suddenly stopped coming to church, now that they were confirmed. I thought it was pointless to get confirmed and then stop coming to church. What was the point? No doubt, a month later I was subject to the same laughter when my parents stopped bringing us to church. My father felt that now that we were confirmed, he had done his duty and there was no longer a need to attend church regularly.

So, not being old enough to drive myself to church on Sunday, I stopped going as well. I told myself I would go back when I finally turned sixteen and had a car, but the habit of sleeping in on Sunday’s combined with working at my new job, kept me from keeping my promise. When I graduated highschool in 1998, I started dating a girl who was also an Episcopalian. I started going to church with her and her family. I would even go to her parish on the Sunday’s when her mother decided not to come and so she didn’t come as well. The next year I went to college and for the first semester, I didn’t go to church at all. I was a lazy freshman who thought that sleeping in on Sunday was a more important use of my time. Not to mention the exhaustion from staying up all night Saturday due to attending parties with my fellow Theatre majors.

At the beginning of my second semester of my freshman year, I decided that God was more important than my laziness and made a promise to Him to go to church every Sunday. As far as I can remember, I still have kept that promise. So I started attending the Episcopal University Center on Florida State’s campus. I was very active in their ministry as an acolyte and lector and with the various student activities that went on there. The Episcopal University Center (EUC) was a moderately liberal place at that time, as one would expect from a college ministry at a state university. The liturgy was a mix between low and high church. At the time, it didn’t seem to bother me. I was just happy to be at the EUC. It was a very friendly atmosphere (although there weren’t many students, but mostly adults) and was a place to get a free meal, which is very appealing to a young freshman trying to pay for college on his own.

At the end of my sophomore year, the priest at the EUC decided to take a job as the chaplain at the University of Toronto. After that we had an interim chaplain from St. John’s Episcopal Church down the road from the university, named Fr. Brad. Fr. Brad was a great priest who was very Anglo-Catholic. He totally transformed the EUC for the better. He introduced sacred hymns, regular use of incense, the sanctus bell, and even had a new pipe organ installed. He also instituted Compline on Wednesday nights. For the first time since I had been there, the EUC started to look alive again. Students started to come again and the place flourished. The EUC was the most Anglo-Catholic college ministry in the United States. The myth that orthodox and traditional liturgy and beliefs are not what the youth want was quickly dispelled By the grace of God, the Bishop of Florida appointed Fr. Brad as the permanent chaplain of the EUC.

My junior year, I was appointed President of the EUC’s College Council. I was a frequent acolyte and thurifer for the liturgy. While acolyting and watching Fr. Brad celebrate the mass, I felt myself thinking more and more of being a priest. But every time the thought came up, I quickly suppressed it. I was an actor, not a priest. I was going to be a famous movie star and live in Hollywood. So I continued pushing the thought of the priesthood out of my mind. Meanwhile I was growing more and more in my faith. I participated in all the newly instituted Bible studies we had (when they didn’t conflict with a play that I was in) and was proud to be an Episcopalian. I met my wife, Laura, that year at the EUC and we started dating the summer before my senior year. Laura wanted to be an Episcopalian priest, which I supported but didn’t really have a strong feeling in any direction towards woman priests. As a matter of fact, she was the first woman I had heard of wanting to be a priest. I had never seen a woman priest before. Once I found out that it was possible in the Episcopal Church for a woman to be a priest, I realized that they were particularly common.

I graduated from Florida State in 2003, and Laura still had a year and a half to go, so I continued being active at the EUC. When I graduated, she became the new President of the College Council. I began working at Starbucks and also was in a dinner theatre acting company. Laura and I began attending mass at St. John’s on Sunday mornings and then in the evenings we would go to the student mass at the EUC. Things went on normally for a while, in the bubble of the Episcopal life in Tallahassee, far away from the greater Episcopal Church of the United States of America (ECUSA).

Then in the summer of 2003, Gene Robinson was elected as the first openly gay bishop in the Diocese of New Hampshire. The entire Anglican Communion (of which ECUSA is a part) was thrown into turmoil. Parishes all over were divided on the issue. Many didn’t even know what was going on (I suspect many are still clueless). Still, the EUC was a safety haven for orthodox Anglicanism as well was St. John’s (which Fr. Brad also continued to serve as priest). I remember being proud that we got so many Catholics to leave the Church and come to the EUC. I didn’t have anything against Catholics. I recognized the Pope as the Vicar of Christ (however, I didn’t appreciate what that really meant) and held most of the same beliefs as the Catholic Church, due to my Anglo-Catholic convictions, but I was still happy to gain new converts. Looking back on it now, I realize to my shame that all the Catholics who left the Church for the EUC were liberal Catholics who came to the Episcopal Church because of its increasing liberalism and universalism.

For the next year, as the Anglican Communion (and ECUSA in particular) continued to deteriorate, I began to get frustrated in defending the orthodox position because I didn’t really know my faith too well. More importantly, I didn’t know why I believed what I believed. Thus, my search for the Truth began. In the Fall of 2004, I took part in a book study group that was reading God and the World by Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, who was the Prefect for the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith in the Catholic Church. He immediately became my favorite theologian! I read half way through the book and enjoyed it immensely, but due to being promoted to Assistant Manager at Starbucks and writing a play for the dinner theatre troupe, I had no time to finish it.

Then the turning point of my entire life occurred on April 2, 2005; the death of Pope John Paul II. For some reason I was glued to the television. I had to see all the coverage. I knew that this was a really big deal, even though I wasn’t a Catholic and had no intention of becoming one. I read all the speculation about who the next pope would be. When I heard that Cardinal Ratzinger was on the list, I was ecstatic! My newly favorite theologian had a chance of becoming the Pope! I knew that a lot of liberal Catholics didn’t like John Paul II and wanted a change. They wanted a liberal pope to allow priest to be married, married couples (and non married) to be able to use contraception, and homosexuals to be “married.” I am amazed at how some people have no clue as to how the Holy Spirit works. I knew that the Catholic Church was guided by the Holy Spirit, yet deep inside I feared for what would become of the Catholic Church if it was infected with a liberal pope. If that happened, who would the Anglican Communion look to for its model of orthodoxy? I prayed constantly that Cardinal Ratzinger would be the Pope. I have come to a better understanding now, that the Holy Spirit will never lead the Catholic Church astray, for if that happened it would contradict Christ’s promise in the Bible that the gates of Hell shall never prevail against it.

So I watched the television constantly for the next seventeen days. Then on April 19, 2005, I watched live as white smoked poured out of the chimney of the Vatican. Newscasters everywhere were shouting, “Habemus Papem!” I watched intently as the announcement was made that the new pope was Joseph— At the sound of the first name my heart jumped inside me—- Ratzinger. Now, I was jumping! My favorite theologian was now Pope Benedict XVI. I started reading God and the World again from the beginning. I finished within a couple of days and I was on fire! Theology was my new interest. Next I read The Spirit of the Liturgy, Introduction to Christianity, God is Near Us: The Eucharist, the Heart of Life, and The End of Time?, all by Cardinal Ratzinger. Then I decided to learn more about the history of the Episcopal Church. I knew that the issue with Gene Robinson wasn’t the primary issue, but rather the tip of the iceberg. Below the waters was an increasing history of heresy and liberalism that was either dealt with by a smack on the wrist or else it was ignored completely. I read A History of the Episcopal Church by Robert Prichard and learned about the increasing liberalism from the 50’s onward with Bishop Pike in California, to the present day with Bishop Spong, the retired Bishop of California who denies the Resurrection of Christ, and even denies God Himself, yet is still in good standing with the Episcopal Church.

Next I read An Introduction to the Oxford Movement by Michael Chandler and found out that the liberalism that came to the fore in the Episcopal Church has long been preceded in the Church of England and combated by the Tracterians of Oxford at the lead of John Henry Newman. Newman became my hero. I wanted to root out the deep seated liberalism like Newman tried to. I wanted the Episcopal Church and the Anglican Communion to reclaim its Catholic heritage. At this point I began to entertain thoughts of the priesthood more and more. I wasn’t fully convinced that I should be a priest yet, so I kept my thoughts quiet. I did know, however, that if I became a priest I would start a new “Oxford Movement” in the Episcopal Church. Reading about the Oxford Movement was very exciting. It gave me great hope. Yet, that hope was somewhat diminished when I learned that John Henry Newman gave up the fight and decided to convert to the Catholic Church. I thought, “fine, he can go. I’ll just be like Keble and Pusey then, who stayed behind.” How naive I was! I continued to read more theology books and the hunger for the knowledge of God continued to grow.

Laura and I were married in January of 2005 and the debate within Anglicanism continued to rage on. I argued with many people about the prospect of leaving the Episcopal Church and aligning with an Anglican bishop from oversees. Meanwhile, the Diocese of Florida got a new bishop who was entirely motivated by power and did what ever he could to please the liberal majority of ECUSA. The diocese began to implode on itself. Parishes were split down the middle and even family members had opposing views. The new bishop could not control the whirlwind he created. Soon both sides of the debate were angry at him. By this time, Laura was looking for a place to go to seminary. The only two remaining orthodox seminaries left in the United States were Nashota House in Wisconsin and Trinity Episcopal School for Ministry in Ambridge, PA right outside of Pittsburgh. Nashota House isn’t partial to woman priests, so it was Pittsburgh we were headed. We moved in August of 2005 in hopes to settle in for a year and start seminary in the Fall of 2006. We were glad to be leaving the turmoil of the Diocese of Florida behind and find safety in the orthodox Anglican Communion Network Diocese of Pittsburgh. Shortly before we moved, a good friend of mine, Rob, was considering leaving the Episcopal Church for the Catholic Church, a move his parents had made not long before. I remember talking him out of it by telling him that as long as he is in Tallahassee in the bubble provided for by the orthodox priests there, he should remain Anglican. And if he moves somewhere else where the Diocese is liberal, then he should become Catholic. This is one of the stupidest advices I have ever given!

When we got to Pittsburgh, Laura and I visited Trinity Episcopal School for Ministry and I decided that I couldn’t stifle it any longer. I had to be a priest. I told Laura and she was a little weary at having two priests in the family. I told my priest and friend back in Tallahassee, Fr. Brad, about my decision and he was very pleased. About this time, though, he expressed doubts about his own calling to be a priest in the Anglican Church. These doubts had been troubling him for some years now.

After about a month of searching, Laura and I found our church home at Trinity Episcopal Cathedral in downtown Pittsburgh. We loved it there! It wasn’t long before we were involved in a Bible study and had a good group of friends. During this time, Laura began questioning her calling to the priesthood and the idea of woman priests in general. One day she told me that she didn’t think that woman priests were right and that she no longer wanted to be one. Instead, she was going to go to grad school and get a Masters in Social Work. I was proud of her for making this decision on her own and told her that I still felt really strongly about being a priest. I started reading the Church Fathers and immersing myself in Church history and theology. Meanwhile, Fr. Brad decided he had to leave the priesthood in the Anglican Communion and become Catholic. I had been in constant contact with him and we would often talk about the Anglican Communion and the prospect of converting to Catholicism. I encouraged him as best as I could to convert, although I decided to stay. I reasoned that staying would be easier as we had just made new friends and established ourselves in a church here in Pittsburgh. To leave all that after we had just gotten settled in and the idea of having to find a new church home and new church friends was scary. It was also uncomfortable. Yet, my conscience wouldn’t let me settle for this reasoning. I saw that the Anglican Communion lacked authority. The Archbishop of Canterbury was just a figure head with no real power. He couldn’t discipline the rouge American Church that spit in his face, even if he really wanted to (which is a question up for debate). In fact, the head of the Anglican Communion isn’t the Archbishop of Canterbury, but rather the Queen of England. Henry VIII, in breaking away from Rome, declared himself his own pope and ruler of the Church of England. Ever since, the monarchy of England has been the head of the Anglican Church. This is something for the people in the Anglican Church to think about who oppose woman’s ordination. They have had a woman as their head ever since Elizabeth I.

I realized that the Catholic Church was the Church that Christ established. The Fathers of the Church give clear evidence for this. As John Henry Newman has said, “To be a student of history, is to cease to be Protestant.” I would rather be uncomfortable in the Church that Christ established, than to be comfortable a church that broke away from that Church. So I told Laura that I had decided to become Catholic and I thought she should as well. Naturally she was hesitant. She said she didn’t want to remain Anglican, but she didn’t want to become Catholic. I asked her to give me one reason why we shouldn’t. Just one reason. She couldn’t. I ask her if it was because she was afraid? She said that it was. To which I replied that fear should not be the reason for not doing anything, especially if it means not joining the Church which Christ established and which continues in an unbroken line to today through the successors of Peter, the Vicar of Christ, and the bishops in communion with him.

She agreed and we decided to convert. This was at the end of 2005. I was supposed to enter seminary in the Fall of 2006. There was a brief moment of panic about what we would do now that our entire life plans had been changed. I no longer wanted to be an actor and I definitely didn’t want to work at Starbucks for the rest of my life. Laura had already decided not to get her Masters in Social Work, because she wanted to be a stay home mom and raise our future children. Then I thought that if I can’t be a priest, I will do what is natural for a layman who loves theology….I’ll get my Masters in Theology and later on get my PhD and become a professor. The only problem was that the only Catholic University in Pittsburgh that has a Masters in Theology is Duquesne University. A university known for its liberalism and rejection of the Church’s Magisterium. Yet, we didn’t want to move from Pittsburgh after we had just moved here, so I decided that I would go to Duquesne and I would fight my way through for orthodoxy as I had done in the Anglican Church.

Everyone, for the most part, took the news of our impending conversion quite well. I called up my friend, Rob, who I had earlier convinced to remain Anglican and told him to forget everything I had previously told him. The Catholic Church is the True Church and to stay Anglican with that knowledge would be an offense against Our Lord. He has just recently converted also (along with one of his sisters), some seven months after I did. Others, our friends from Tallahassee who were also at Trinity Episcopal School for Ministry, just stopped talking to us altogether. However, before contact was all together lost, a friend from the seminary told me about another alternative to Duquesne University. He said there was this little Catholic school a little ways out in Steubenville, Ohio called Franciscan University. He had heard some good things about it and said it was worth checking out. I said I’d look into it, but I really had no intention to. After all, I had never heard of the school, nor had I heard of Steubenville. Who knows how far away it was? I’ll just go to Duquesne.

Then my mother-in-law (who is a former Catholic) sent me a tape series of talks on the Book of Revelation by some guy name Scott Hahn. I had never heard of him before so I didn’t think much about it. But when I listened to the tapes, I was blown away. This stuff was incredible! Who is this guy? I looked at the back of the case that the tapes came in and saw that he taught at Franciscan University of Steubenville. The name sounded familiar….it was the one my friend had told me about. Then when I got home (I was listening to the tapes in my car), I went to my office to get the book that I had just read explaining the Catholic Faith (and clearing up all the misconceptions I had) called Catholic and Christian by Alan Schreck. He also was a professor at Franciscan University! In my amazement I said to God, “Alright, Lord you win. I’ll check out the school.” I found out that it was only about a 45 minute drive from Pittsburgh and started the application process. I was accepted and took my first classes this past Summer of 2006, only a couple of months after being received into the Catholic Church. It truly is a blessing to be Catholic and to attend Franciscan University. Not a day goes by when I don’t thank God for the wonderful path he has directed me on. Thinking back on my journey, I also remember starting to pray the rosary a little bit after I got married. I felt it was something that Anglicans should be doing and we should not reject Mary as Our Mother. I didn’t do it regularly, just off and on, but that was enough for the Blessed Virgin. She only needs the slightest openness to her and she takes full advantage of it in order to wrap you in her motherly embrace and present you to her Son, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Mary Most Holy looks for any opportunity to act as our advocate and plead for our souls to her Son. All we have to do is show her the smallest bit of cooperation and she will do the rest. Our Lady doesn’t desire any glory of her own, rather she directs us at all times to Christ. Mary is like the New Rebekah, who covers us in the clothing of Christ, so that when God looks down upon us, He sees His beloved Son and not our sinful selves. My advice to anyone who is not sure about the Catholic Church is to be open to the Truth, search endlessly to find the Truth (for in order to deny the claims of the Catholic Church and to have a clear conscience you must be certain that they are false. You may be surprised at what you find), and give Our Lady a chance to act as Advocate and Queen for you to her Son the King of Kings. Amen.